Love, Hate and Easy Mac
by pinkstarburst19
Summary: harryand ginny have a secret affair as she dates dean thomas (im going for the atypical fanfic ;some smut, disputes and macaroni and cheese)
1. E

Disclaimer: as if you didn't know what im about to say...I do not own harry potter or any of its characters...wouldn't it be weird if I did though...like if I just disclaimed before my story that I AM jk rowling and that I DO own all of these fine characters. Oh well...save yourself the enthusiasm. I am NOT jk rowling, and once again, I do NOT own harry potter.  
  
Love, Hate, and Easy Mac.  
  
(a/n: I don't own easy Mac either...sadly)  
  
He let out a quick sigh of frustration, as the liquid concoction would not mix. He added a quarter cup more of the strange bean in an attempt to resume the desired liquid-like product. Still no result. He clenched his wrists and drew his shoulders alongside his neck. Why couldn't he figure this out? He was sure he had attempted and successfully accomplished this before! Luckily it was still boiling hot. He still had hope. If only he could cure it a by adding a little more-Oh God! What happened? How did he do that? What had he created? What was that smell? In an act of desperation he put the lid on and turned it in just hoping that no one would notice his error.  
  
"I said no dairy", the yuppie young lady said sipping her coffee.  
  
Harry shrugged. He knew he was off today. His cigarettes called to him with their sweet promises of temporary relief. Replacing thoughts of failure and loss with smoke, his anti-conscience tempted. There had been a time when mixing various ingredients to form a creation, or potion, sparked very different thoughts in his youthful mind, but no more. His tool was once a wand, now a metal spoon and French press. Indeed his life had changed in the years past. He did not look back. Harry refused to assume that he could have survived any lifestyle in his old life. The pain and spotlights nested in the wizard world left scars both physical and emotional on his tired thin body.  
  
"I'm sorry", he whispered to the lady. "I guess I will try it again". Harry wrestled the demon dairy filled coffee out of the snide lady's hand.  
  
"Too late, I'm in a hurry", she paused then with a bothered smile of disgust added, "this will just have to do."  
  
Cold air swept through the bustling city streets of London this mid-fall morning. Outside the Starbucks colorful cars and busses echoed with speed as they chased one another down crowded streets and angular sidewalk. The sky was clear, embracing a mask of warmth. This mask, however, was stripped quickly and quietly as the numbing winds iced skin drawing pink and white out of flesh. The pressed suits were covered with heavy wool and expensive scarves, the casual youth puffed out in fluffy coats, and the loners, like Harry, dressed as normal. Harry liked to feel the cold attacking his body. He would let it wash over his body, creep into his blood. He cherished this feeling of harsh discomfort. It allowed him to feel something real. Discomfort was real, unlike this life.  
  
"Max, I'm taking a break", God he wanted that cigarette.  
  
"Harry, you just took one. Why don't you just work a bit longer then you can take your break. I can't have you showing up for work but only being here for a fraction of the time"  
  
"Please," Harry whined without eye contact.  
  
"Harry, you haven't been sleeping lately have you? Its just that you have these dark circles under your eyes. You never did talk much...but lately...I just-just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You know"  
  
Harry remained still. It was true, days like this happened only after nights like last. Laying on his back with his eyes open, he thought about the things that had prevented him from sleeping all those nights before. Spooky images of past events flashed about. He would have begged himself to fall asleep had he not known that sleep led to nightmares. He didn't want to wake up sweaty and out of breath anymore. All Harry really wanted anymore was to forget.   
  
"Listen," Max said touching his shoulder, "you can take your break after you deal with these customers".   
  
Harry accepted these terms and turned around to greet the next customers with an expressionless face and blank thoughts.  
  
"Go on, order whatever you like" The man half of a couple said with a sort of excitement that was unusual to ordering a cup of coffee from Starbucks.  
  
The girl giggled with overwhelming thought. "I would like a-"  
  
"Oh...my...god! Harry? Is that you?" The man cried.  
  
At this, Harry blinked himself out of distraction and found he was staring at two familiar faces. It was a young couple, about his age. One of the two had thick red hair and another possessed broad shoulders and a friendly smile.  
  
"No, that cant be Harry" The redhead said with a testing look on her face.  
  
"I'm sure it is. Just look at him"  
  
"Harry, is that you?"  
  
Of course he knew who they were. He was all too sure of it. They stood out in the usual London Starbucks regulars with their wizard clothes and vauge smells of Harry's past. How dare they intrude on his precious space! He couldn't handle this. Harry had done everything asked of him in the past, from saving the day countless times to eventually defeating the Dark Lord. Why was it, that after all that he wasn't aloud to be left alone? He had been through so much. Why wouldn't the world just leave him with his horrible memories and disturbed brain? He left that world behind for a reason. Yes he knew who they were. They were people from his past, Dean Thomas and Ginny Weasley  
  
Harry allowed himself to release a cautious smile.  
  
"Oh Harry, so this is where you've been?" Ginny Questioned with a kind of disgusted horrified thought of a world surrounded by nothing but muggles.  
  
"Y-yeah" Harry managed to force out.  
  
"You certainly have changed. I guess I haven't seen you since...well...a while"  
  
Harry nodded, repressing the need for nicotine growing more and more as he chatted.  
  
"Everyone's been looking for you for almost 2 and a half years," Dean said "You just disappeared"  
  
He knew this was not entirely true. There were wizards, Dumbledore for example, who could find him if they wished. Perhaps they already had. Harry knew that Dumbledore (aside from the fact of not being able to picture him in a Starbucks) would not come to find him against his wishes.  
  
"I just can't believe you are working here," Ginny said.  
  
Harry was sure that deep down somewhere there was some sort of humiliation in what she had just said, but most of him didn't care. He wanted out of this Hogwarts reunion.  
  
"I just took Ginny out for something special on her birthday. I thought muggle food would be just the thing"  
  
"I'm 20 now" Ginny smiled.  
  
Harry nodded. He wanted to just take their orders, make their coffee and have them leave. They had to leave sometime. He just hoped that they wouldn't tell anyone that they had seen him here. A part of him knew they wouldn't. He didn't know why but he was fairly certain of it.   
  
Eventually, (after what seamed like many hours to Harry) they did leave. Granted, Harry did accidentally destroy Dean's Frapuchinno more than once before they did. Then they walked away together with their fingers laced and muggle coffee at hand. Ginny glanced back one last time attempting to grasp that she just saw the boy who lived (after a two year hiatus) serving coffee. Her eyes locked with his for an instant before they both looked away. Then the two wizards disappeared into the sea of pedestrians outside the coffee shop. Harry really didn't give a shit...he was just glad it was over. He needed that cigarette now more than ever before. 


	2. A

A/n: Expect shortness from this chapter. I didn't really think it belonged in chapter one or two. Think of this more as a sort of 1.5 in terms of chapters. I hope everyone is enjoying the story. I'm writing it just because I felt like there wasn't enough portrayal of-I don't know...ya know? HI KARA! Ok so...expect shortness now and expect soon-ness for the later...  
  
"I love you" Ginny stated in an almost expected way after they had finished "unwrapping her birthday presents" that night.  
  
"I love you to" Dean said in the said in the same effortless manner.   
  
It was comfortable lying there in his bed. His warm apartment with the subtle touches of her defined what was filial nourishment. Plush carpets inviting bare feet to walk upon them. Clear windows with streams of light pouring through when you woke up in the morning wrapped up in a soft white down comforter. Yes, it was certainly comfortable here in Dean's bed.   
  
Pictures of her with her naked teeth flashing about the walls. Vague smells of Dean crept out of the carpets, ceiling and just about every place. She loved his empty fridge, his childish quidditch posters and most importantly, Ginny loved him.   
  
He loved her too. Even though there were slight indiscretions on his part in the beginning of the relationship, those injudicious times were all resolved now and he was even thinking about marriage. He thought about stupid things like where they would live and what kind of pets. He assumed she would say yes and they would live happily ever after. They had both been through so much in the past years and he was glad after everything that they could finally settle down and start a life together. Of course, he wasn't thinking of anything official. He had no ring, no romantic proposal yet. They were young. They had time. Time to sit in bed after sex and not talk, just think. He knew that someday, even if far away, he would marry her.   
  
Together they lay in silence, with their legs touching and his long arms around her waist. Ginny let out a satisfied sigh and overlapped his wrist with hers.  
  
"Why do you think Harry left," Ginny said quite suddenly  
  
"I guess he had just had enough. It's a damn shame though. He was a good wizard" Dean responded.  
  
"Kind of sad don't you think?"  
  
"I guess"  
  
"You guess" Ginny argued.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know"  
  
"Dean, why?"  
  
"I guess I just always felt like...harry was a bit of a drama queen"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean, all those times he took it upon himself to save everyone-"  
  
"-but you're glad he did, aren't you"  
  
"Yes. I don't know. I'm sorry if we disagree." He paused. "Plus, Harry went through a lot. I can understand why he didn't want to be around magic and wizards anymore."  
  
"We all went through a lot. I lost people too" Deep down Ginny knew that even though that last year of Hogwarts she lost Ron too, she didn't have the same burden that Harry had always had. She wasn't the one who had to find him in the boys quarters in that ghostly mangled way. In fact, unlike Harry, she had blocked all thoughts of Ron's corpse out of her mind completely.   
  
"Wait," Dean said "I thought you were just defending Harry. Now you are telling me you think he's wrong. I'm confused."  
  
"I don't know what I mean" Ginny whispered almost in anger.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just meant-"  
  
"Let's just not talk about Harry, alright?" She said coldly.  
  
"Fine" there was a pause. "You were the one who brought it up"  
  
Ginny moved her hand away from his and rolled over.  
  
Harry awoke shedding a layer of sweat all over his body. The nightmares were the worst part of the aftermath. He could escape the memories in reality and preoccupy himself by making lattes, but no mater how much he tried he could not control his subconscious. Late at night when he had finally given in to his body and allowed himself a few moments rest, his mind would wander into suppressed thoughts and those horrible times he wished he had forgotten. Harry would be forced to relive those final moments in Voldermort's life. Those evil eyes taunting him with their beastly heinous demeanor would be reborn in his mind.   
  
Then, he would see Ron. Ron would call to him for help. Harry would run and run, but the closer Harry seamed in an instant he would be exceedingly farther. It was like reading a story you've read a million times before. You know how it will end. You know you can't change the record, but you cheer for the hero and gasp at every cliffhanger just the same.   
  
Occasionally, he would see Sirius. The godfather he once loved, would blame him and tell Harry how disgraceful he had become. Everyone he knew that he had lost became poltergeists and phantoms at night. People Harry once had called friends now only prolonged his recovery from the past. And he was alone. Everything he had tried to forget haunted him in his dreams. Even the tiny relief in waking up was squashed by the realization of truth in his nightmares. There was nothing Harry could do to remedy his losses.  
  
The sky was dark and he could feel the cold air even though he was shielded by thin dingy walls. He wondered what everyone else still awake was doing. Harry thought of people with their families. The happy couples that were merely enjoying one another's company. Most oblivious to the battles he had faced and the triumphs he felt were counterfeit. He wondered if anyone out there was unhappier than he was.  
  
Sitting upright in bed, he thought of his derogate experience with Ginny and Dean. How uncomfortable and unwanted it was. He thought about what they might be thinking. Then he thought of all the thought he was putting into it. He tried to not consider the encounter. If only it had not caught him off guard.   
  
She looked a little bit like Ron. She was just more feminine. In typical eerie Harry fashion, it was like his nightmares had come true and Ron was haunting him in some gloomy dark way. He hated life.   
  
Now on the small balcony of his small apartment he let out small whips of smoke into the violet starless sky. Somewhere above and around all the lights of London Harry began to feel slightly calmer. He had started smoking somewhere around the end of his first year post-Hogwarts. He knew it was dangerous. He couldn't really afford it either. But in terms of health, he didn't really care. It didn't really matter how long he lived now, just so long as there was something to ease all of the pain. Nothing really could make him feel better in the end. It was more like there was this deep wound somewhere near his gut. Every day, it gushed out more and more blood. There was nothing to do to save himself or stop this gaping breach of flesh. In the end it would kill him. However, if he was doomed, the cigarettes numbed his pain and made him think of other places. 


	3. S

A/n: its that special time kids...yes, its time for the authors note. Hope everyone is enjoying the story. I sure think I am. Not in the cocky I enjoy reading my own story over and over kind of way, but more in the its fun to write it kind of way. Anyway, please review cause you guys know how fun it is to look at your reviews and get excited about people that liked the story and take into consideration the advice people give. Plus, if anyone has any really good harry/Ginny stories they want to recommend, I would definitely be willing to check them out...so just give the submit review button a friendly click and we will all be happy.  
  
I thought about giving this chapter a song (the postal service: The district sleeps alone tonight) cause I felt that it captured the mood. But then I realized that I was just listening to it and was changing my mind. So download it if you feel inclined, and listen to it as you enjoy the next chapter...or not! That's the joy of author's notes and a lack of lyrics.  
  
Harry fumbled a bit with a slightly damaged muffin he had swiped from work before it was discarded. It would make a semi-satisfying dinner. Living off minimum wage with a London apartment (no matter how small and dirty) wasn't always easy. To make ends meet he had to make do with what he could find at work and buy with what little money he had. Harry squished the brown bag with circular green logo around under his fist.   
  
Though the calendar would have deceived you, it indeed felt like winter. The winds grew steadily worse and weathermen were predicting record-breaking temperatures this year. Bright oranges and reds normally accustomed to their moment each year around this time were slaughtered for the icy blues and dark colors of winter. The temperature drop seamed to depress even those who were sunny and happy on the inside.   
  
Harry however, was feeling slightly better than usual. It had been two days since he had seen Ginny and Dean. After that first night of dreams he hadn't had any other thoughts of wizards or villainous men with haunting eyes. It had been ages since he had felt this good. In fact, he hadn't had a craving for a cigarette in almost 24 hours. On normal days he picked up his feet only to indulge the notion of walking requiring leg movement. Today, he moved with an uncertain quickness. Of course, you could never call how Harry was feeling happy. Oh no. Happiness had been long forgotten in this young man's eyes of jade. Perhaps Harry was happy today. It had been so long maybe he wouldn't have even known what it felt like.  
  
As these and other complex thoughts that only Harry Potter could have fluttered about in his head, someone unexpected watched and followed him scrupulously. Someone was lurking in the shadows and careful not to be seen.   
  
He closed the door of his 4th floor apartment paying no attention to the loud bang of its closing. HE set the muffin down on the counter along with his only fork and a sketchy looking bit of water in one of his few glasses with no ice. Harry's diet and cigarette usage had let to a bit of weight loss on his part. His once attenuated body now had a skeletal appearance. As usual harry didn't care.   
  
Just as he was about to sit down to eat the muffin that had only fallen on the floor for a mere 15 seconds, there was a knock on the door. The knock was repeated after a 30-second interval with the same hard and determined force of the first knock. Harry was deeply perplexed. He wasn't sure that anyone knew or more importantly cared that this was his home. Why would someone be knocking on his door? Whoever it was, he had a feeling it would not be someone he wanted to talk to. Since that was just about everyone he had a pretty good chance of being right.  
  
Ginny wiggled her toes anxiously in her shoes. Following Harry home had been easier than she had thought. Now all he had to do was answer the door.   
  
"Just answer the door Harry," she whispered to herself. Almost by command a scraggly looking male with hair more disheveled than she had remembered opened his forest green door.  
  
For a time, there was no sound. It was silent. They both looked at each other expecting the other to speak first.   
  
When no one did Ginny said "Hi"  
  
Harry was angry. Why was she here? Against his hopes and with his nightmares she had come back for one final chat with him. Did she not realize that what he wanted was divine severance. "Hi?" Harry said while he squinted his eyes, still very confused and not really sure if he was stating or asking.  
  
"Hi," Ginny repeated with more certainty.  
  
"What should I do?" he wondered to himself as she stood there, smiling as if nothing she was up to was out of the ordinary. He hated her for standing there acting as if they were just old friends, as if nothing of the last couple of years actually happened and she was just dropping by to say hi. Even though he wished he had never known anyone from Hogwarts, he still did and still knew the personality of Ginny Weasley. If she wanted something she would achieve it. There was no way to get rid of her. He thought about slamming the door in her face, but no muggle lock could stop a Hogwarts student. He thought about running out down the hallway and just running till she was gone. Even a plan as desperate as that would never work. It seamed as though there was no way to dispose of this red head at his front door. "Want to...come in? I guess?" He had no idea why she was here. He didn't even want to find out. Although, it would seam as though he had had no choice but to let her in.  
  
Ginny stepped through the doorway as the silence between them resumed itself. Surprisingly, Ginny found herself leaving the grimy hallway and entering into a filthy flat with what looked like one room, a bathroom and a smaller wall which probably led to some kitchen like area. There was a brown folding table with two lawn chairs loitering around it. A tiny balcony with black metal semi sturdy was just behind the bed. The small one-person bed was unmade and Ginny noticed didn't have a mattress cover either.   
  
She thought that there might be a closet hiding on the wall to her right. Doors she assumed were once white but now wore a color of beige, closed themselves around the would-be closet. At just this moment she wanted to rush over and whisk the doors open with one big swoop. Ginny was drawn to the closet in a way that she couldn't quite explain. She wanted too reveal what was inside, and expose all of its contents for what they really were, just like Harry.  
  
Overall, the whole flat was drafty and uncomfortable. It was small and had few windows. Its photoless walls were so naked, so bare and sad looking. Ginny almost as if the emptiness of the apartment was getting to her after mere seconds, she shuddered. All Ginny could think about was how awful it would be to live here. The whole area gave off a dark and lonely vibe. Ginny faked a polite smile.  
  
"So this is your place?" Ginny said optimistically. "I like it. It just screams I don't need anything excess...like furniture...or heat"   
  
Harry was confused. Was she making a joke? What she said was true but he didn't know what to make of it. Harry realized that it had been so long since he had had a one on one conversation about more than whether someone wanted whipped cream on that, that he couldn't tell the difference between sarcasm, humorless honesty, or possibly both. So he just gave a toothless smile instead. What did people do when someone came over? Perhaps he should offer her something.  
  
"Would you like some coffee or something?" Harry said still not sure what to make of his first guest since he had owned the place. He was also quite aware that for all of his time spent at Starbucks, he did not own any coffee. There was a moment of him questioning what he was to do if she actually accepted his café contribution. Suddenly, he was quite aware he was going against his own wishes by perpetuating this kind of nonsense with her. He had to convince her to leave. "Why are you here!?" Harry said abruptly changing the tone of the conversation.   
  
"I would love some coffee," Ginny said, pointedly changing the subject. However, now that he mentioned it, why had she come here? She realized that even she didn't know why she had come. She told herself that it was curiosity. That was partly true. It was partly due to curiosity that she had told dean she had to work late. It was also a bit of frustration with Harry that caused her to follow him home today. She was angry with him. During a time when her family needed him most he had abandoned them and all of his other friends completely. Yes, that was the reason. She kept telling herself that that was the reason. She was angry with Harry, and she had to see him to prove that he was justified in leaving.   
  
"You didn't answer me," he said raising his voice somewhat.   
  
"Coffee would be fine," Ginny insisted. Although at the moment she was reconsidering drinking anything mad from the water in this place.  
  
Harry was growing more and more frustrated. Didn't she understand that he didn't want her here? "Did you follow me home from work today," Harry questioned.  
  
"Harry! I just want to talk. Don't be frightened."  
  
"I don't want to talk! I want you to leave" Harry yelled pointing at the door.  
  
Ginny was partly shocked and partly saddened by Harry. How could this have once been the boy who she admired and looked up to so many years ago? Ginny looked down at her feet then strait at Harry, "Just get some coffee, all I want to do is talk".  
  
Harry was now so frustrated that he turned around and pathetically stomped off to the short distance to the kitchen area almost like a temperamental teenage girl. (A/n: sorry temperamental teenage girls, you know how we are)   
  
As he was rumbling through the scarce utensils in the kitchen, Ginny was allowing herself to eye his apartment more carefully. She wondered what inside that heavily guarded closet. She looked back toward Harry in the kitchen. He let out an exasperated sigh. It seamed as though he was encountering difficulties at the coffee making. Ginny glanced toward the closet. Though she had grown considerably over the years she was still curious as ever and could not deny an opportunity to uncover whatever treasure lay behind those doors. In short, she had no choice but to fulfil her intrusiveness.   
  
Ginny tiptoed over to the right side of the room and stopped in front of the two beige doors. She fingered the doorknob for a while before she pulled both doors open freeing two years worth of dust. The closet was dark and had no light, only shadows covering shadows. There were boxes on a seemingly sturdy shelf with no markings or label. Various clothes were hanging from the horizontal bar going firm across the top, and an old cage quickly recognized as Hedwig's former home lay below.  
  
For an instant Ginny remembered growing excited when she would see Harry's snow-white owl heading for their home. It meant that there was a chance that there was a letter from Harry from her. But no more. Her feelings for Harry had faded completely. Seeing him now in such a state only confirmed these thoughts.  
  
Harry let out a swear word to relieve his frustration with Ginny and problems with killing a rat in the cabinet. Whatever he was struggling with seamed to be occupying his time for a little bit longer. Ginny lifted her feet and rested her weight on her toes. Slowly, she extended her arm far above her head and placed it into one of the cardboard boxes. When she withdrew it she was holding another familiar sight. It was Harry's wand. It was just as beautiful as she had remembered it. All this stuff was just going to waste in this dark closet. All of Harry's old school robes just hung there, lifeless. Ginny had seen so many depressing events and sights in her young life. Oddly, the sight of Harry's wizard time capsule ranked among the top ten. She thought about this to herself when she saw them. A group of them, all hanging between Harry's invisibility cloak and firebolt in the corner. Ginny allowed herself to gasp. 7 green sweaters all with the letter H neatly knitted the center. So many memories and associations came to mind without consciously realizing that she was remembering. Still holding Harry's wand she plucked the nearest sweater off its hanger. The soft texture was too much for her Burrow deprived mind. Ginny held the material to her cheek. Joyous nostalgia of a time when she was so naïve, Ron was still alive, and life was so much more reliable. It still smelled like all the sent that she had long forgotten. It smelled like Harry, like the burrow, she could even smell Ron.   
  
"I'm sorry but-"Harry said as he emerged from the kitchen triumphant in terms of pest removal, but severely lacking in finding any coffee only to find Ginny going through his old things. Not just any things, the things he had kept in that closet to hide from himself. Even though he was too weak to destroy them, as he should have, he could easily put them away where he wouldn't have to look at them, smell them, and remember them.   
  
"What are you..." Harry screeched in a hurried panic. He couldn't even finish his sentence. The mere sight of his old things caused his breathing to change dramatically.   
  
"Harry, I'm sorry I don't know what I was doing." Ginny yelled in the same hurried fashion, but with a different tone entirely.   
  
"You need to leave," Harry said slower and seemingly calmer.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just-curiosity and-"  
  
"Are you listening?" He cried  
  
She didn't know what to say. She was so confused. She was confused both by Harry and herself. It was true. she was at fault. Ginny couldn't explain why she had followed Harry home, demanded him to keep her company and then gone through his things.   
  
"Just go," He said in more of a whimper. Pleading for her to leave his life as he had tried so hard to leave hers.  
  
Ginny remained still, like a deer in the headlights with no where to run.   
  
"LEAVE" Harry yelled his chest heaving.   
  
Ginny winced. Regaining a bit of courage she started to whisper "Who do you think you are? There was a time when you would have called me your friend. Then one day you just wake up and decide you want to leave everyone you know behind, NO!" By the end of her speech her volume had reached Harry's.  
  
"Get out or I'll do something I don't want to do." Harry said with a stern warning. Now she was bringing up the past. It was bad enough that she had to go through his things and pull out the objects he had purposely tried to hide, but now she was trying to lecture him on how to live his life. How dare she. She was crossing the line.  
  
"God Harry, have you talked about Ron at all?"  
  
"Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP"  
  
"OR have you even visited her?" Perhaps she was crossing the line.   
  
He knew exactly what she was talking about. He had had enough. "LEAVE," he cried with a mixture of pain and force, "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I JUST-I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. WHY CANT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"  
  
"HARRY-," Ginny said sternly.  
  
"GO!" He said with that anger and passion multiplied. He said it with such intensity that Ginny took a step back.   
  
She had given up. Barely did she have time to get out of his small apartment before Harry slammed the door violently behind her. Ginny cupped her hands over her mouth. Did that really happen? Was that dissimulating shell of a man really the Harry she once knew? She wasn't even sure if she had accomplished what she had set out to do. Her heart beat quickly as she hurried down the hallway.  
  
Harry watched the slammed door for a few minutes after that. He was halfway expecting her to come back and haunt him more. She was worse than any nightmare he had ever had. She was so much of a reminder of the past. Thank god she was gone. Everything was still; the only movement was the heaving of Harry's chest as he gasped for air to calm his nerves. Then he sat back down at his table to eat his muffin and smoke a cigarette. After two cigarettes he still had a migraine and lay down on the bed. Unlike past nights he fell asleep quite instantly, only to find himself in inevitable darkness and languor torment. 


	4. Y

A/n: Lets hope by now you kids at home have figured out that I either am a genius or just simply lack the qualities one must posses in order to title chapters. Lucky for me, you will never know. So how did everyone like last chapter? (I would just rely on your reviews, but only a few of you seam to be interested in doing that). Let's get cheesy for a moment and remember the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you don't like hearing how people feel about your work, then just ignore this fun little plea for attention...if not...know that I will haunt you from the grave...or well not grave...more computer screen...and more not really cause that would be creepy.  
  
Just scroll past my ramblings and enjoy chapter four.  
  
Ginny had met him at Hogwarts. There was chemistry in a way that can only be found in the adolescence of our lives. There was cute flirtation and making out under moving stairways. Ginny remembered quite vividly how exciting it was to run off during dinner and act playful and rebellious. She was young and flirtatious. She was naïve too. Ginny would stay up late at night in the Gryffindor common room procrastinating work from one of her most unexciting classes by playfully writing his name over and over on pieces of scrap parchment. She was young and in love. She would wait for him to say goodnight to her before finally turning in for the night. She was naïve for thinking that she would marry him, live together in a dollhouse with 3 children named Mary, Johnny and Jane.   
  
Years after their juvenile relationship, she saw him again at Hogesmeade. They were both on dates with separate people, but soon found themselves catching up on past memories. They didn't even notice when their dates left together. Soon, Ginny felt as if she was back at Hogwarts and found herself wanting to write Ginny and Dean on a piece of parchment and circle it with a heart. Unfortunately, Dean was leaving for a job in London in a matter of weeks. Ginny spent the following 2 and a half weeks every night with Dean. It was romantic, spontaneous and comfortable. By the end of their short time together Ginny was certain that she loved this man and was willing to move anywhere with him. Two months later she arrived in London on Dean's doorstep. "Surprise," she said with a smile. They kissed right there on his doorstep in a way that could only be explained as theatrical, the kind of thing you only see in movies about a love that was meant to be.  
  
It was just what she had need at the time too. Stability. Percy's turn to the dark side, Fred and George's blatant rebellion and general disregard for the Weasley's wishes and Ron's death had ripped apart the home life Ginny had once known. She stopped going to the burrow. There were too many painful memories there. It just wasn't the same. She had seen Bill once and Charlie twice since she completed Hogwarts. When she stopped to think about everything, it was odd to her that the family that she once had considered so close knit and strong had dissolved in a matter of years. She would talk to him cry with him and even stranger, laugh again with him. When Dean came, she once again had a family. It was Dean and Ginny everywhere. She wove herself into his life, meeting his parents and sisters. It was like she had a home again.   
  
He wasn't complaining. Never had he been so infatuated with someone. She was funny and smart and looked good in just a sweatshirt. It was perfect he welcomed her into his life.   
  
One night she was over at his house before they were about to go out. Ginny was sitting patiently with her legs crossed on his couch while Dean was in the shower. It was a Saturday night and the sun was just setting behind the pointy tan buildings of the city. The clouds turned pink on a vibrantly orange sky. The phone rang.  
  
"Hello," Ginny said picking up the phone as if it were nothing. She grew so accustomed to his apartment that she didn't notice when she was doing things like answering his phone. (The phone was a muggle invention that proved to be much quicker than owls in the city).  
  
"Hello?" A confused woman's voice said.  
  
"Hi" Ginny said almost sarcastically because she had to repeat herself.  
  
"Umm, I was just calling to see if me and Dean could hookup tonight. Are you like one of his sisters or something?"  
  
"No," Ginny said now slightly frightened, "I'm the girlfriend"  
  
"You're the girlfriend?"  
  
After that Ginny felt as if her world had been ripped to shreds. The foolish teenager she felt she had been slipping back into her life proved more or less callow. Dean had been two timing her. Their fairy tale romance had turned into a sleazy daytime talk show. She was angry. She waited on the couch not really knowing what she was going to say when emerged from his shower. Her hands started shaking and a part of her wanted to cry. Perhaps it had been so long since something good had happened to her, so long since she had had something worth smiling about, that she forgot to look for the negative. She should have learned by now that she wasn't allowed to be happy.   
  
Dean stepped out of the shower steamy and flushed. He saw Ginny on the couch and hoped over with beads of hot water adhered to his chest. Dean leaned over and kissed Ginny on the forehead.   
  
"Hey, I didn't know you where going to be here this early" he said optimistically.  
  
"Apparently not," she muttered.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nothing"  
  
"What?"  
  
"So, you got a call while you were in the shower"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
After that there was yelling and apologizing. Ginny asked him how long it had been going on. She never really got a strait answer. Dean was the kind of guy who could be vague and apologetic. It was hard to stay mad at him. Ginny knew that he wasn't worth it. She may have been hurt but she hadn't lost her common sense. That night she threw something hard at Dean then slammed the front door hard. She was still ready for their date, and he was still in a towel. For a moment she stood on the front steps of his apartment building then walked down the street. She wandered aimlessly down the solid sidewalks and across busy streets. Couples held hands and kisses while waiting for their public transportation. Ginny felt alone and used. Then she began wondering how many of the couples had someone else at home. Someone waiting. Someone who was thinking about last names and future homes. How could she have been so stupid?  
  
A month later Ginny hadn't been on another date with a man, but had not returned any of Dean's owls either. She blocked him out of her mind and focused on work. One Tuesday night she answered a very violent knock on her door. It was Dean. He was crying. His skin was pale and his hands were cold. He begged her to come back to him. He said that he needed her in his life. This month apart had awakened him to the error of his ways. He got down on his knees held her hands and told her that he was sorry. He was sorrier for lying to her than anything else in his life. He was telling the truth, he really had missed her. He felt like an idiot for throwing it all away by seeing another woman, but Ginny had grown up considerably in the past month and simply closed the door without saying a word.   
  
He did it again a week later. The only difference was he wasn't as pathetic and he sat down at Ginny's coffee table at her flat and talked with her. After an hour or so they had reached some understanding. He told her he would never do it again. He told her he loved her and then kissed her almost the same as that night when she came to London. It was passionate and romantic in the same way. Ginny didn't trust him. She didn't know how. Sooner or later though, she forgot all those insecurities and decided that taking Dean back would mean she would have to trust him again too. So they kissed and went on dates again. They had sex and drank hot cocoa. It was back to how it should be. It was back to feeling right. It was back to Ginny and Dean...Dean and Ginny.   
  
That was over a year ago now. It wasn't like she forgot about his indiscretions. Ginny wasn't stupid. Still, she knew she could trust him. There gets to be a point in a relationship when you know someone so well that you don't even notice when you are around them. You become less of a you and a more of a them. There is a point in a relationship where you can trust someone so deeply, without having to question their whereabouts and keep tabs on where they were on different nights. Ginny and Dean had gotten to that point. He trusted her in that same way that she trusted him.   
  
Ginny loved feeling loved. She loved wearing sexy underwear and making out under staircases of apartment buildings. Ginny was no virgin when she met Dean but sex with him was like having sex for the first time. Late at night while lights ran across his walls from through his window, they would lay on top of each other half covered by the billowing comforter. Dean pouring into her as she arched her back. She let out a soft moan as he laced their fingers and kissed her on the lips. He would stroke her hair and kiss her again. It was great sex, but never kinky or out of the ordinary. That didn't matter, because she loved him   
  
This relationship had become so much more than the sex or cute love affair now. She needed this relationship. Sometimes she would think of that day when she told Dean she would take him back. She would think about how if she hadn't taken him back she would have been fine, but at this point without him she would crumble.   
  
He was perfect to her. No, not perfect, perfectly flawed. She liked how he ate food with his fingers that required a fork sometimes and she liked how he would fall asleep with his arms around her. He liked how she would smile with her whole face and argue with him when she disagreed about things in the Daily Prophet. They were in love. Ginny couldn't see her life in any way that wasn't with Dean. She had no need to lie to him, no need to sneak around, and no need to see Harry.  
  
  
  
Ginny quickly knocked on the door. She looked at her shoes then at the nailed on gold numbers. She was about to knock again when the door opened with a swoosh.  
  
Harry sighed, "you again".  
  
A/n: originally this was gonna just be part of the chapter, but I ended up having so much to say that I made it its own. Plus, a cliffhanger never hurt anyone...don't answer that. 


	5. 

A/n: my god what a weird chapter this was to write. I wrote it all mixed up time frame wise. Then pieced it together to make sense just for you people, see what I do for you guys?I thought about putting this one song here (not lyrics), to listen to download and listen to as you read the chapter, but I think it fits better with one of the later ones. Oh well...lets get on with the chapter titled -.  
  
"Harry, I'm sorry, but I just can't leave it this way. Don't you realize what's happened to you?, there was a one second pause "I-I mean, I remember when we were younger and you were the person admired more than anyone else. And I wasn't alone. Everyone wanted to be you Harry. Not all the time but- and I know I wasn't as close to you as... well we weren't as close as we could have been or like I'm acting like we were right now, and I guess you don't owe me anything, I know. But, you do Harry! You owe us all. And I don't want to be the person that has to try and get you out of this awful life, but-but you can't rush me away like some stranger or intruder in your house-or flat. I'm here whether you like it or not...and we're gonna talk" Ginny said in a very short period of time, rushing the words close together and not allowing herself to stop for breaths for fear of one of Harry's oh so temperamental interruptions. She thought about half of that on the transport over here, and the other half was completely spontaneous. Then, before Harry could protest she had invited herself in, sliding herself through the doorway.   
  
"Listen, just hear me out. Then after that, if you never want to speak to me again, then that's fine. I won't tell anyone where you are and I'll forget I know you."  
  
Harry thought about his options. He was caught in some sort of Hobson's Choice. He had no alternative. "Ok," Harry whispered after a bit of thought and reasoning.   
  
Harry was amazed. He thought that for sure he had scared her off with his yelling and verbal assault from a week before. A part of him was angry, resentful, tumultuous, outraged, fuming, hateful, annoyed, bitter, chafed, cross, displeased and enraged. Just the same, a part of him didn't care anymore. He wasn't going to get her to leave, and he couldn't afford to move apartments, so it would appear for the time being he was stuck with her. Why was it that he wasn't as outraged as he had been in times past? What was different about this time than before? He was still all of those angry adjectives, but he also had a certain indifference. He wasn't going to ask her to leave, but he wasn't going to indulge this quest to have a deep and meaningful conversation with him.   
  
Ginny faced the dishabille one-pillow bed. She placed a stray strand of red behind her ear, turned around and faced Harry. She looked him right in the eye with a sort of pathetic apathetic manner that made Harry uncomfortable. With a small thud she dropped her purse on the dark tile and took off her thick gloves, dropping them on her purse.   
  
After a few moments of only being able to hear the water in the pipes in the walls, Ginny grew confused. She thought that by now for sure he would have had some word of protest for her, but he said nothing. He just stood there, one thin hand still holding the worn doorknob. His other hand limp at his side. He was looking her strait in the eye just as she did to him. His expressionless face was cold and uninviting. Ginny took a step back and held her elbow. It would look as though she would have to start this conversation off. However she didn't know what to say. She realized that after all her arguing with herself, telling herself she still had unfinished business with harry, and that they needed to talk, she had no idea what they needed to talk about. If she didn't know what they needed to talk about, then why was she here? Dean had asked her to do something with him. She told him she was busy. The second time she had lied to him.   
  
"Are you feeling ok?" Harry asked. Over the course of about a minute and a half Ginny had been thinking over these subjects and wondering what she was going to do. From Harry's perspective she had simply been looking toward the ceiling with a puzzled expression.  
  
"I'm fine," Ginny said with a laugh after snapping out of her trance. She inhaled and slipped off her shoes.  
  
After a few more seconds of silence Harry said, "Alright, we can talk if you want." He inhaled. "But the second that you cross the line, you're out"  
  
With a simple nod Ginny accepted these terms and watched Harry slump into a trance of expectant grief. His body language had gone from clearly annoyed to submission and surrender.   
  
She knew she was going to be here for a while. She thought about calling Dean, maybe telling him where she was. Aside from the fact that she didn't see a telephone anywhere in Harry's flat, she realized that that would be a bad idea and decided against it.  
  
Ginny knew that she was on thin ice with Harry. She had intruded once before and was not about to destroy any means of their "friendship" any more than necessary. She still didn't know what she wanted to say to him. She only knew that what she wanted to say was so important that she had to lie to her boyfriend and see him yet again to say it.  
  
"Harry?" she said gently.   
  
He gave her a look of recognition.   
  
"Harry, why did you leave?"   
  
He gave her a look of thin ice.   
  
"I just want to know. I know you had it rough, no one else was asked to do what you knew was required of you. Still, do you ever wonder-wonder if what you did was . . .selfish?" Ginny backed up and sat down on the bed looking up at him intently.  
  
"You think I was selfish?" Harry said.  
  
"No . . .Yes . . .I don't know. Harry, don't get mad. I understand how hard it was to be around all of those cameras, everyone telling you that you were a hero when you knew good and well that even a hero's life wouldn't be what you had bargained for. We were all unhappy. We all lost people. I understood your frustration. But when my family needed you the most, when our whole world needed you there, you left. You didn't even say you were leaving! You didn't even come to his funeral."  
  
"Don't talk to me in that condescending tone," He barked back, "You know NOTHING of what its like to be me. I'm sorry if your comfortable life with the family and friends and normality was ruined. I guess that's all my fault-"  
  
"Like you know what my life was like either? Seeing the family you loved so much be squashed and there is nothing you can do to stop it! You didn't have to-  
  
"This, this is why I left! Because there were always people like you. Thinking that I had to come in and solve all the problems. When would I have done enough?"  
  
"I don't believe that Harry. The boy I once knew was kind beyond his control. Even if what you're saying is true, he would have stayed."  
  
"HE is dead"  
  
"Seeing you was painful for me too ya know!"  
  
"Then why are you here?!" Ginny studied his face. He had faint lines and creases framing his eyes displaying premature maturity. She wondered when he had last told a joke or even laughed. Swarthy hair, though unchanged in color seamed sadder than she remembered. It had remained disheveled and untidy, but its springy jubilance was replaced by droopy indifference.  
  
She didn't know why she was there. She was growing tired of her constant inability to explain her own actions. She had stopped questioning why and decided that some things are fine left unquestioned.  
  
"Harry, why are you here? Have you looked around? If you wanted to leave, at least do something worth wile with your life. I cant believe with all your parents left for you, and all you are, you would just throw it all away to live in a smelly apartment working at-at a muggle coffee shop!"  
  
"So you're saying my apartment smells," He said acrimoniously.  
  
"I'm serious Harry!, you're throwing it all away. What would Ron say? Is this how you respect his memory. I'm sorry but I-"  
  
"You think you're so much better off than me? You think you have taken some sort of moral highroad? You're pathetic. Why don't you try and look inside yourself instead of barging into my flat on random nights to tell me what's wrong with me. You must be pretty sad to have to fix other peoples lives to feel good about yourself."  
  
Despite Harry's desperate pablum, what he was saying was right. A part of Ginny was finding fault in Harry merely to reassure self worth. Though short and frantic Harry's insults were, they struck meaning deep within herself. When Ron died and they had to magically piece his parts back together for a proper burial, Ginny was so upset that she remembered cursing and yelling at her parents. Saying things so harsh such as that they had driven him away, and were it not for them he would still be alive. She blamed Hogwarts for not offering better protection. She blamed everyone. It was easier than just accepting the fact that sometimes, bad things happen to good people for no reason. Was that what Ginny was doing now to Harry? Was she blaming him for not making everything ok after the defeat of Voldermort? She began to think of these things, as Harry stood frozen, post insult, unsure of what was happening. Ginny then began to think past those questions of her own quality, and started to remember all the pain of that time. Despondency caused by remembrance seeped itself into her vulnerable mind (as any prolonged discussion of these events often did). Ginny thought of crying and how she wouldn't allow herself to. Harry remained standing. The part of dead Harry that was still alive almost gave a look of sympathy toward Ginny who had suddenly become quite sullen.  
  
With Harry standing there, apologizing without words, Ginny decided to keep herself from crying and do something quite rash. Ginny sprung up from the bed, took a step forward and kissed him. She kissed him! She closed her eyes and bit down on her sadness. She repressed feelings of what was wrong with her by bringing in new feelings. Right now Dean did not exist. All that existed was the cold tile on Ginny's bare feet and the surprising warmth of Harry's mouth on hers.  
  
Harry placed his hand on Ginny's shoulder and pulled her away from himself. The situation was illuminated and Ginny was well aware of her foolishness. Twice she blinked as she looked at Harry, shocked. Then she turned down and avoided eye-contact. Her mouth hung open. She was shocked.  
  
Harry stood aghast, in awe. What had just happened? In dizzy surprise he had pushed her away. He rubbed his finger over his lips wiping of excess spit. Now, the awkward silences that were filled by anger morphed into uncertainty of what came next. Ginny put her hands over her eyes and sank back on the bed.   
  
"I am so. . .Oh god. . .I'm just going to leave" Ginny grabbed her shoes, bag, and other belongings as she scurried toward the door.  
  
Exactly three minutes and twenty-two seconds later Ginny had rushed back to the Fourth floor apartment with the green door and was exchanging saliva with one Mr. Potter.  
  
Ginny arched her back and let the water flutter around her in jagged ripples. The water was calm underneath the loose water twirled around in the summer breeze. Her toes bobbed above and below the surface, changing temperatures and changing textures. The air was heavy and moist. It was as if the water has absorbed itself into that thick air that kissed her cheeks, lips and tempted her to close her eyes and let go. When she found herself being pulled under the water, she wasn't alarmed. The uncertain depths called to her. As if she was drugged, she began to swim deeper and deeper. Her eyes still closed. The water changed, still smooth and inviting, but the temperature grew increasingly warmer. Her skin burned and ached under its feverish surroundings. When the water became boiling hot, she opened her eyes. Amazed, she came to the realization she was in some magnificent pool of emerald and jade. The green waters sparkled under the moonlight of the sky below. Ginny rushed to the surface. This unfamiliar waterscape of sage green, even with the inky backdrop of the sky she could still manage to take in its glory. These strange waters, though unfamiliar and unexplored, were addictive in their charms. She dove under once more.  
  
Ginny was extracted from those waters and pulled back into the present. She ripped off Harry's shirt to reveal a slightly skeletal body. His eyes widened jade, luminaries of depth and expression. Their lips were locked together with some sort of drug like satisfaction. They stood there in the middle of the apartment as the sky turned darker shades of ebony and the temperatures grew colder. It was silent. Ginny's hand still holding his removed shirt and squeezing it as she remained connected with Harry. She dropped the shirt and ran her fingers up his goosebumped back and through his black hair.   
  
They remained kissing not even thinking about what would come next. Actually, they weren't really thinking about anything. Ginny forgot about the past, about Dean, and about where common sense should have led her. Harry forgot about his wants of solitary joy, that this was the girl with the dimples from years ago, his need for a cigarette, and his deep dissatisfaction with life. Her warm hands washed over him and created no change in the silence. They remained. His hands began feeling for the buttons of her blouse and began unbuttoning and tearing the fabric to reveal a collarbone and lace undergarment. He did not stop to glance at her body. They remained with their lips locked both tongues harshly fighting the other in a fight to the death duel. Their bodies inhaled through their noses though in actuality they felt as though breath was not important to them. They inhaled each other, and at all costs remained.  
  
Ginny began fumbling with a cheap black belt hung around his waist as he began to unbutton and unzip her pants. When pants were removed Ginny put her hands on his hips and stopped leaning upward to reach Harry's mouth. She began kissing his neck and collarbone. Whatever she was doing she was sure it couldn't stop.   
  
Remaining articles were removed and before either of them could stop to really look at one another or think of the logic in their actions. Ginny pulled Harry close to her for heat and comfort. Together they backed into a corner and Harry lifted Ginny up against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist and threw her arms around his shoulders. They were linked together along their fronts, Harry supporting her weight as she bit his ear. One hand running down his back and one hand was running through his hair. He kissed her once more as they began synchronizing the movements of their hips.  
  
It was like all of her anger and resentment of her losses in life were relinquished through this act of fervor. She kept her eyes closed, took deep breaths and made small noises shunning her natural tendencies of bleak sorrow. Through this painful inducing ecstasy she found herself losing all those feelings tied with loss. Through penetration she found joyous emptiness. She wanted to think of nothing through everything and simply let go. She pulled her chest away from his and they were only connected by their hips like some tragic flower blooming in the spring.  
  
They moved to the bed. Harry did not question the situation or pause for a moment. There was simply continuation and loss of thought. He poured himself into her accepting body. The legs of the bed were moving slowly across the bleak tile of the apartment by the force of their act. He dominated her, took her hands in his and continued with their rhythmic thrusting. That arctic feel perpetually enveloping his body began to fade and a warm inner consciousness was born inside him. His prolonged lack of human contact was cured in one group of condensed emotion and force. The pain he felt dripping like sweat from his body late at night lessened and he felt closer to whole than he had in two and a half years. It made no difference if it was Ginny or some other girl. It was the feeling of a connection that eased his pain, cured his illness. This was not just good sex to Harry, this was an antidote.   
  
This was good sex Ginny thought to herself. When all the energy was squeezing out of them and their prismatic connection of sex organs grew more and more intense, Ginny let out a small scream. The apartment was cold, the surroundings were dark, and several of the surrounding flats were now aware of Ginny and Harry's actions. They gasped in unison reaching their climax together in the sad surroundings on a sheet-less bed. There they were. Two fucked up people, fucking. 


	6. M

A/n: Isn't this just the most special thing ever! Sorry if I'm just overly excited about the fact that we've gotten to chapter 6 on this, my very first fan fiction. I'd like to thank Jennifer for her encouraging ideas, Kara for staying up late with me as we would write, and my CDs for providing that oh so lovely mood setting music. Maybe I should have waited till the end to do this Oh and just so were clear and its not as if I'm creating f.f. Statutory rape, Ginny wasn't virgin when her and dean hooked up the second time. Not at hogwarts. I guess that's my bad for not explaining it more... oh well. If you feel like downloading weezer's butterfly to accompany this chapter (to just help with the mood_), feel free but don't feel obligated. On with the story? Yes, lets see... where were we? Oh, yes the morning after...   
  
Some time ago, a very scrawny young man left his life behind him in the hopes of starting over. He threw the weight of the world off his tired shoulders and left wizards and left the magic world to fend for itself in terms of evil. The boy who lived was dead to him.  
  
He disappeared into the shadows, abandoned his fortune, deserted his fame, and he cast aside his friends. Harry spent a month and a half wandering around England. Most of the time he had spent liquored-up and unconscious outside grimy bars. It took him a month more to sober up and realize that though he didn't want to be alive any more, he didn't want to kill himself. Harry packed up and began brushing his teeth again. He took his only possessions (which he loathed) and moved to London.   
  
London was big, bright, loud and dominating. Its surly cityscape and historic vastness hovered over the civilians with passionate culture. Harry watched and observed the people walking down sidewalks in quick determination. Not one face stood out from any other. You were merely one star in a sky of bright lights, impossible to distinguish one from the next or the next. In short, it was perfect. Harry could sink into this new life without wizards, scary forests, beast hybrids, and unstoppable villains.   
  
He got a job at a small bookshop only after 3 months of leaving Hogwarts. The shop was quiet and smelled of old pages. He liked the man that owned the shop. He had a fat-less face with sagging skin and tired yet wise eyes. The man reminded Harry of someone he once admired. Unfortunately, when the nightmares got worse, Harry stopped showing up for work. The venerable man had no choice but to fire poor harry.   
  
Harry had money, wizard money, but he felt the same toward it as his invisibility cloak and wand, it was tainted. Not having a job left Harry devastated. Still depressed, jobless, and very much alone, he walked down the streets late at night. He began smoking regularly and drinking more than occasionally. Some nights he would become so desperate, that he would go out looking for "extra attention".   
  
At first he would go to bars and pick up cheap women by sleazy lines and misleading misrepresentation. Harry had never been good with women back at Hogwarts. When he would go somewhere with the goal of seducing women, he would always seem to change. He could manipulate himself and others to think he was important and worth wile. When attempts failed, he would go out and pay for his relief in forms of dishonor and corrupted penury in short skirts.   
  
In their services and his submission to velleity, Harry would plunge deeper and deeper, desperately searching for some form of contact. He wanted forgiveness most of all. In his climax he found temporary relief. Sometimes, they would ask for a phone number or some form of a lasting relationship the next day. He would not give them what they wanted. Harry knew that even if he did have a phone and wanted some lasting relationship, that in the end it would not be good for this woman. He was being "honorable" in hurting them.   
  
Eventually, Harry got a job at the Starbucks about a block away from him after passing a help wanted sign. The store was just closing, and though he didn't want to, he needed to do something with his days once more. He needed to keep busy. To his surprise, he got the job and drowned himself in his work once more. Life resumed or at least as much as life could resume.  
  
  
  
Harry awoke in the middle of the night after a nightmare. He found himself lying next to a young lady that he vaguely remembered from the night before. In the dull lights of the city he could stare at her face with a peculiar fascination. You couldn't really call her beautiful with her awkward freckles and bitten fingernails. However, she had this sort of mazy attraction which Harry could not explain. A stripling with red hair and soft cheeks lay next to him. He put his head beside hers, feeling satisfied. He did not love her, but right now there was an understandable comfort aching inside him. He drifted off into sleep once more expecting nightmares, but finding none. In his sleep he found blissful sanctuary. In his sleep he rested dreamless.  
  
Ginny fell to the floor with a startling thud. Her legs were stiff and her arms dotted with Goosebumps. After that fall her hip began to feel quite sore as well. Her eyes panned the room searching for a sign of recognition. At first her surroundings were unfamiliar. They were unfamiliar until she distinguished the boy with green eyes as her bedmate. She felt as if her body was just thrown against the dark walls behind her. What had she done? If only she could have stopped herself.   
  
"Dean!," she whispered to herself with guilty realization.  
  
She lay her head down on the cold tile for a moment and wondered what she would do to solve this problem. She wasn't even thinking about the green-eyed boy who lay above her on the twin bed they shared the night before. She thought about telling him, telling him of how she lied to him and cheated on him. Though in an instant she had decided she simply would not let him know. What did it matter if he knew or not? It was not going to happen again. She had abrogated her problems there on the fourth floor of this small apartment building.   
  
She stood up and looked out the window. The starless London sky was still dark. The city seamed to be at rest with the exception of the few cars still wandering the streets in the post midnight or pre morning routine. In the silence, her heart began beating and her eyes became warm with shame. She dusted those feelings off and grew tough in that dark hole. Ginny felt around and picked up articles of clothing and various items.   
  
Before she closed the door soundlessly, she took one look at the boy who lay sleeping, the boy that lived. She had been avoiding even looking at him as she prepared to abandon him. He now lay still, naked and silent on the rectangular cradle. In a way she felt bad for him. But now it wasn't any matter of hers. Ginny had to worry about covering her own ass now as opposed to Harry's very exposed one.  
  
Her aching body made it back to her flat with little difficulty other than her conscious. There was an owl waiting by her window to supply her with a letter. Plucking the parchment from the owl, it read: "I'm coming over since we couldn't do something last night. See you soon. Love, Dean". Nervous sweat washed over her body as the doorbell rang. All she had time for was to throw her hair up in a bun and rush to the door.   
  
Dean stepped inside and kissed her quite plainly on the lips. She pulled away unnoticeably. He cluelessly beamed. She faked a smile.  
  
"D'you sleep well" He said  
  
"Alright" She said. She was littered with shameful guilt. She reeked with its deadly stench.  
  
"I brought waffles," He joked, carrying a box of frozen waffles.  
  
Laughing she muttered, "That's great. I love them." She could smell her own evil! Her skin her mouth her thighs, all dripping with that convictable scent.   
  
"So how was your night?"  
  
"My night?" This sinful presence hovered around her every time she looked at Deans face. His beautifully unknowing face was plain with love. Ginny felt the garbage of her conscience decomposing her filthy skin. She was bad because at this moment, standing there in her doorway with frozen waffles, was loving goodness.  
  
"Yes, your night"  
  
"Well-" She paused, dissimulated. What would she tell this man she loved so much. How could she lie. She swallowed hard as if trying to push away this guilt and self hatred. She thought about coming clean. She was scared. She was afraid to leave the sheltered comfort of her heated apartment, framed photographs and loving boyfriend. She lied. "I just went to bed. I was exhausted." On some level this was true. She simply left out who she had gone to bed with and what kind of exhaustion.   
  
"Alright. What would you say to a little semi frozen cuisine and, well, morning recreation." With that he pulled her hips toward his and began to kiss her. His hands began to climb up to her shirt and fumble with buttons. It was the same shirt she had been removing the night before with Harry.  
  
Before he could progress she pushed him back and snapped "N-No. Not today"  
  
"Oh," he said, obviously disappointed. "I just thought that. . . never mind. I'll work my magic on these babies then." With that he picked up the frozen waffles. Their condensation pressing lightly against the plastic bag.  
  
"Dean I'm sorry I just-"  
  
"Don't worry about it"  
  
"No, I didn't mean"  
  
"It's fine," He said, still hurt.  
  
Before she could say anything else to apologize for her questionable behavior he was gone. He had run off to the kitchen. Ginny fell back onto the wall with a hard thud. Her stench of sin had not faded, but rather grown rapidly. How could she have done this? At the same time she was thinking this, she also began to remember how satisfying that night had been. A sexual hunger within her had not been appeased. She just wouldn't allow herself to be aware of it. She would only allow this deep pain and self-hatred to dwell for now.  
  
Across town Harry was behind a counter in a green apron making a frapuchinno. As he blended and added whipped cream he considered the consequences of his actions last night. After careful consideration, he realized he wasn't sorry. He did wonder. When he woke up and she was gone a part of him was happy that it was over, no strings attached. However, now it was over and normal life and repressing could resume. Or could it, he wondered as he headed outside for a cigarette in the sub-zero air of the approaching winter. 


End file.
